Ray Hudson - The Reason I Can Bear Our Awful Season

By: Cesar | January 15th, 2008

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We here in the States don’t get the same match commentators you guys get around the world.
The games come to us via Gol TV, a wonderful channel that shows matches from Spain, Italy and various parts around the world.

I like Gol TV. Without the channel, I wouldn’t be able to watch my heroes lose week in, week out.

One of the things that annoys me about football matches in this country are the commentators, who either aren’t familiar with the nuances of the game or are foreigners hired simply because they speak with an accent. I’m not going to name names, but the big US sports channel has this problem from time to time.

One of the reasons this season has been bearable is the announcing of Ray Hudson.
Hudson’s a retired football player from Newcastle and former coach of the MLS’ DC United.

What makes him unique? He’s just about the funniest football announcer you’ll ever hear.

As the great US sports magazine Sports Illustrated put it:

It’s hard to say which is more entertaining: watching Barcelona’s Lionel Messi, the 20-year-old Argentine wunderkind, score goals worthy of Diego Maradona, or listening to Ray Hudson describe them on GolTV. (”This man has got a walkie-talkie directly to heaven’s gods!”) Messi was the little genius of world soccer in 2007, displaying his breathtaking speed, vision and ball skills on a regular basis.

Hudson, meanwhile, is the greatest announcer you’ve never heard of, a Geordie-accented mix of Dick Vitale’s enthusiasm and Keith Jackson’s uniquely kooky phrasings. In Hudson’s world, a shaky defender is “tighter than a camel’s backside in a sandstorm” or “as nervous as a Beirut grocery run.” And goals? “I got a physical arousal from watching Bojan [Krkic] there.” Small wonder that one Hudson-lover started a blog featuring his greatest hits (hudsonia.blogspot.com). Get this man a wider audience.

He’s just that. One of the most enthusiastic, entertaining announcers around … and isn’t that what football is at the end of the day? Entertainment? We watch it to laugh, to be emotionally moved, to forget the doldrums of our every day hustle and bustle.

Every time I watch a match Ray Hudson announces, be it a Levante v. Deportivo bottom of the table clash or El Classico between Madrid and Barca, his enthusiasm streams past his thick Geordie accent into every pore of my being.

His passion for the game becomes my passion for the game. That’s a remarkable thing!
Here’s some stuff he said about Valencia during our game against Barcelona this past December, courtesy of Hudsonia - The Wisdom of Ray Hudson blog:

This Valencia team were looking wobblier than Rod Stewart after a twenty-four hour bender…
Ray Hudson, half-time

He keeps on running, they don’t pick him up, they cannot detect him. Infra-red x-rays couldn’t detect this man the way he’s playing. Eto’o!
Ray Hudson, half-time

Tip-toe through the Valencia tulips for Samuel ‘Scissor-hands’ Eto’o. Razor-sharp dexterity, blister finish…
Ray Hudson, post-game

And this during our loss to Athletic Bilbao:

They haven’t had a lot of penetration, when they’ve got through it hasn’t been with a lot of venom. Well, a lot of venom in that - python venom, off that hit by Yeste. Sunk his fangs in, didn’t he?
Ray Hudson, 33:34 1st

This is a screamer from Yeste. A death-ray hit by Yeste of Darth Vader proportions …
Ray Hudson, half-time

Well, poor Cañizares is like Han Solo, he’s frozen in carbon …
Ray Hudson, half-time

(Regarding a band playing at halftime) I thought Koeman had sent out a new team. He might have, these guys down there with those banjos or whatever they’ve got maybe able to do a better job than Valencia in that first half.
Ray Hudson
More mobile than Morientes already.
Phil Schoen, half-time

I don’t think this Valencia team could commit suicide if their life depended on it today.
Ray Hudson, 83:06

Here, a video of Ray commentating Real Madrid’s title winning match from last season. Notice how he loses it at the mention of Tom Cruise about 45 seconds in …

And here, Ray talking about the Argentinian national team. I LOVE the comparisons … Kathy Bates in Misery? Love it.

For those of you not familiar with his work, here’s an entire blog dedicated to the man, same as the one I mentioned above.

As one commentator puts it, ‘God, I love him. I wish Ray Hudson could provide the commentary for my life.’ Me too … Thanks for making Valencia games enjoyable, Ray.